tonight from 7pm-8pm

mother tells the good stories: when auntie bit down on her fiance's balls, making 4,000 to 40,000 from hair styling to flower arrangements to designer boutique, crashing her car in a robbery, moving to america and MORE.

2010 Resolutions

i. understand investing (profits and risks)
ii. contribute to IRA/prepare & calculate for retirement
iii. visit thailand
iv. master the art of grafting
v. more photography resources
vi. tai chi

my other song

my song

man is wolf to man

help us eat

xmas breakfast here, the best thai-chinese morning joint:

chinese porridge w soft boiled egg and fish (or egg and pork), soy milk (home made, served w beans and skin), chinese donuts, ginger tofu soup (w mini chinese doughnut), egg noodles w duck, thai coffee! the parents ordered cow blood soup, but i did not try it.

another big soup dinner waiting for us at pong's house. the kind where there is a grill and hot pot of water are built into the table. you dip your meats and vegetables in for a few- with 8 or 10 people, it makes a great light and savory broth.

p.s. mom thinks i should be 110 lb, not 125 lb. steve, our mechanic, agreed previously, and today all of the four men at the table agreed at the table. but the owners of siam sunset did not agree. in that funny thai way, the husband and wife told my mom to leave me alone. mom says "you are american skinny, not asian skinny!" ha.

really hope this is a gift!: the grafter's handbook

i saw santa on his harley today on the 10E! my family plus family friends carpooled to alhambra for all you can eat seafood. nine bucks per head- it was great in its volume and mediocrity.

so into this: Cactus Rescue Crew


MERRY XMAS

i can think of eight 40 or 50 somethings who have never had health insurance in their life and they are ecstatic.

learning how to round braid leather- not easy.

soy sauce covers wallet, wallet drenched soy sauce. i keep my wallet in my back pocket. back pocket smells like soy sauce!

farted on by brother- just comes in the room to "poot poot poot" and then leaves.

broiled mackerel and rice omelette for dinner.

"abdominals and thighs... thank you ladies"

my favorite girl is second to last (hyper-tanned to a milk chocolate from the neck down but with a bobbing head of white @ 1 minute and 20 secs).






aggressive beauty

this brings me back to my previous obsession w Larry Weaner.

brother is home!!! we are filled to the rim w sushi.

to be the universe

i did not know that the galaxy could be made up of bodacious babes in sequins and dancing. i think that dance looks fun (video is bearable when mute). I'm going to learn it.

2.5 hour phone conversation w zach

my people

the fishing was great today

finishing applications for competitions after competitions.



reading list:
Herta Müller
Seamus Heaney
Wislawa Szymborska

GETTING MY GROOVE BACK

8 months of scalpel work, so worth it:

i did it!

string figures! I learned the Apache Door today.

I wrote to Andrea recently saying how I took a break from working, but the longer I put myself on hold the less confident I felt in my direction. And so it goes, I must keep working. I have been covering the field from photography proposals and editing to location scouting and taking photographs. I turned away from my color work quickly after the debut of the sophomore work, but I've spent time re-editing now and I really like where I am going. I can say this is me, this is how I think. I especially think I am not done. I always forget the time it takes to accumulate work. If I cultivate one amazing series, I will be satisfied.

I am lucky to have a resource for free developing. 10 rolls of film today: maine coyotes, irish wolfhound with hydrangeas, yellowstone forest fires, geysers, sheep, palm trees, pine beetles, lemon trees, ewen wright's wedding, etc etc. I can't remember. 9/10 rolls were Black and white. I haven't seen them, but I am excited to see what my investigation looks like. To think in color is so different. I feel like I am just starting to get the hang of it. But really, I am more wowed by black and white gelatin prints and in that way more devoted. You can enjoy the surface of the paper, the depths of black- have you ever seen 40 different shades of black? That is what I mean, there is simply nothing like it.

I have not enjoyed a good black and white print in a long, long time. Tomorrow, I hope, will offer goodness at the Irving Penn Getty exhibit. We will see what kind of a printer he is! At the SFMOMA, I was really impressed by the post-war Japanese work, but especially the diverse exhibit of contemporary asian photographers. Some of them are doing pure poetry.

the things i could be doing in massachusetts

LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA

awesome

ROGER BALLEN

pater

today, in the context of my future, he said you will be better than your mom.

i am elated!!!

my mom's restaurant is my home. it really is. the people who work for her are wonderful. they are unbelievably kind and humble. i went into work today and i saw p'lek (he has the same name as my mother, and the same birthday). i haven't seen him in years! he started working for my mom in his mid 20s as a cook during the late 80s. he's come and gone many times. he has his own restaurant now in northridge, ca now. he was so excited to see me.

he said that him and p'pop were just talking about me and my brother. "you know, p'pop lives so close. im going to drive over there and get him." and so he went, and he came back with p'pop. they're all really into motorcycles. p'pop was also really happy to see me. i haven't seen him in easily ten years. hm yes they're family- they watched my brother and i grow up. they use to pants us, hide our turtle lucas and say they made turtle soup, or convince my brother to stay still and not move until p'pop came back from a delivery.

5 of them, old waiters, cooks, delivery dudes are going driving up the canyon on their bikes tomorrow and then they're going to pick me up for lunch. so excited!!!

special attention to blue bottle, san francisco:



wade lent me his books. have been reading tolstoy non-stop. i love his lust. i put in time for annie dillard here and there. i continue to work for mom, steve sometimes, and then i see my girls, megan and taska. annie was just here!! my room could be more clean, and i could spend more time doing archery. im up in sf for thanksgiving and am pretty excited to visit blue bottle!

been thinking about new work- palm trees? yesssssss. and interviews, a lot of interviews.

is visiting l.a. once a month to do interviews and help my mom get organized a bad idea? i think it would be really nice. maybe my brother would come too.

i am going to pay all of my student loans tomorrow!!! i am going to be free.

at dawn, boats go out with nets

the northerner's always say
"good feeling comes from a nap
good taste comes from a dumpling"

but the southerners still say they're just dough stuffed with meat, nothing special.

my agenda, which was fine at the beginning of the day, is now an annoyance because my mom just reminded me.

really into this:

http://interviewproject.davidlynch.com

and this, chris burden, our city lights:




also updated website finally. it can be seen here. or here: www.july1986.com

what's next. also, what is next?

color photographs made from april 2008 - august 2009. somewhere around 23, give or take two, photographs that constitute a new body of work.

"the more i work, the more i see things differently, that is everything gains in grandeur that day, becomes more and more unknown, more and more beautiful. the closer i come, the grander it is, the more remote it is." giacometti

last night i walked home w my bike because it was so windy. i watched the palm trees sway 45 degrees north and then a 60 ft cypress tree fell in front of me. it fell from the inside of a woman's property, uprooting gutters and electricity lines and then crushing her white picket fence.

have many things to look forward to this week. im working on sequencing so i can show people new work. im going to bake a blueberry pie w justin and wade, do yoga at fred segal w wade, and im going to make justin and wade watch a movie w me. the apt is coming along, so now i am really feeling that i am starting over again.

its hard to think of philadelphia when i am here, and it is less hard to think of w. mass here but still hard. i've learned not to look back. and i feel good that i am here. like w. mass, the people i know here are very good people and i like that so much, to have sincere people near me. it feels gooooooooood.

David Gilkey

for war coverage, npr published some some pretty great photographs from david gilkey:

http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=114205345

today is a beautiful day. my balcony is set in front of trees and the sun is just glistening away. i am glad it is 69 degrees and not 27. i am working on photographs before i go to work today. have been doing so since 8 am.





sometimes i honestly forget how much i love doing this, how wonderful it is to be in the world this way.

wow amazing yes

i say wow amazing and yes because JOSH ARNOUDSE and RAKY make up 2 of the 5 members of NO EYE CONTACT and they are featured as CMJ Music Festival's 25 must hear artists!!!!! I'm linking you right now


and on NPR!!!

baking w daniel yesterday and there was a flash card on his fridge that someone wrote on.

in families, the greatest crime is never beyond forgiveness

92 DEGRESS TODAY

the will of alfred nobel

"The whole of my remaining realizable estate shall be dealt with in the following way: the capital, invested in safe securities by my executors, shall constitute a fund, the interest on which shall be annually distributed in the form of prizes to those who, during the preceding year, shall have conferred the greatest benefit on mankind. The said interest shall be divided into five equal parts, which shall be apportioned as follows: one part to the person who shall have made the most important discovery or invention within the field of physics; one part to the person who shall have made the most important chemical discovery or improvement; one part to the person who shall have made the most important discovery within the domain of physiology or medicine; one part to the person who shall have produced in the field of literature the most outstanding work in an ideal direction; and one part to the person who shall have done the most or the best work for fraternity between nations, for the abolition or reduction of standing armies and for the holding and promotion of peace congresses. The prizes for physics and chemistry shall be awarded by the Swedish Academy of Sciences; that for physiology or medical works by the Karolinska Institute in Stockholm; that for literature by the Academy in Stockholm, and that for champions of peace by a committee of five persons to be elected by the Norwegian Storting. It is my express wish that in awarding the prizes no consideration be given to the nationality of the candidates, but that the most worthy shall receive the prize, whether he be Scandinavian or not."



i am reminded of how effectual we can be.

im learning quikbooks

i biked past my mom today, she is sitting in steve's office (our awesome thai mechanic family friend). they are great together, unbelievably funny and loud. they looooove to gossip.

i wish i had a video of this:

my mom sitting across from me in a chair, the wall behind her with a collage of license plates from s. dakota, vermont, thailand, hawaii etc. steve went to the garage to check on something, and my mom starts saying "you know who macaw is? she is my grandmother, your great grandmother, my mom's mom. you know what she use to say to me? she said iching-

E: is that what she called you, iching?

M: yes that's what she called me

this is where my mom hunched forward just a little and put her hand in front of her, palm up, and then closed it slowly and strongly for a good grip and then let go w a little shake. she did it maybe 3 times and kept saying iching each time. she explained to me that macaw would illustrate like so to "bayat thang, bayat thang", save money, save money.

(when i saw them, steve said i got a little fat, and my mom said i should try a different look than 'homeless'. apparently it's getting old.)

how is it possible to make people understand that artists are not interested in art?

been working day and night painting etc. walls are done, ceiling will be done tomorrow, and the floors tuesday. i want my kitchen to look like this bathroom:



i think i could do it myself. i could get the sink on a quick trip to baja mexico! im determined to live in a comfortable setting before anything else. its quite frustrating at times because i move from being so excited to being so sad really fast. i've been working hard BUT i want to be able to do photo work already and test new ideas and drink tea already. in the meantime i am stuck in my brothers studio that is filled half way to the ceiling with boxes of my things.

right now i wish i could find a way to express the sadness of sex coinciding w becoming an adult, those brushing experiences that leave you thinking about everyone.

hm, along with my history of religion class, i return to thinking about themes of devotion.

life in l.a.

i ripped out the carpet, and i ripped out the linoleum to find wood and ply wood in this here studio. i am refinishing the floors and painting them turquoise. i came home from shabat last night and painted the walls ultra white. i added 3 new cacti to my window. i went to home depot to get wooden planks for my iron bed frame. i am reconstructing my life here.

yesterday my mom made me bahn mi. the day before her friend made us chinese fish curry (made w the saltiest fish of the sea, can't remember the name), and for breakfast i had ramen with pickled cabbage, squash and cod. i have a whole salmon waiting to be cooked on my electric grill.



last night daniel took me to a suggested donation yoga studio that is awesome. i have been sitting in on history classes as SMC. and today im going to the hammer to see sharon lockheart and charles burfield w max. i've been riding my bike everywhere.

pictures of my bro, sister and i making pie makes me want to go up and visit them soon. i will actually. zach is in this great film festival in a couple of weekends at ATA and the program looks amazing. i am so psyched.

santa cruz

at my brother's house making three kinds of pie. touching butter soothes me. apple tart, strawberry pie, and fig-honey-ricotta tart hellooooo!

we (sister, brother, gabo and i) were at pink godzilla and they played DON'T LET ME DOWN and then some neil young. it was a sign- what a day!!

proscuitto pizza!

oy my stomach hurts, but it does not account for the great times in s.f. so far.

sister is so great. family is such ease. and i see old friends who are been better homes than new places. don't they call that old love?

sister has the sweetest pit bull. her soul only searches for spooners.

the same love that makes me laugh, makes me cry. i am simply enveloped by my curiosity of vulnerability. i want the experience, but it is the last experience i can have by choice. its true i've been aching anyway because i just want to be held in the light by all of my lovers (the others are holding up my lovers). im going to make an animation about it actually. theres going to be a great scene where we are all naked and i'm paraded around by everyone i love as if it were my bat mitzvah. we'll all be younged by love.

dont let me down

i feel this song so far down. it makes me really excited for the first time i will be in love.

eugene, corvallis

visiting cousins on the oregon coast. they're my age and i haven't seen them in six years. how easy it is to forget that they are my contemporaries... great good family.

egg yolk sun, all the way through wyoming to idaho, then potatoes to portland.

people ain't nicer than the folks in pendleton, oregon and sheridan, wyoming- why people were nice all over.

I now fashion tippi earrings from mt. rushmore and I am a concrete believer of Don King, aka Sheridan King. Wish i could find some pictures of him when he was young and a real looker. An unbelievable master of leather and saddlery.

As i'm getting closer to home, life does feel a little bit more resolved. I also like the idea of surfing a lot, and I like the idea of learning how to read and write thai. and working on patience.

my cousin is so cute, she set aside sticky rice and deep fried pork for my drive down the coast tomorrow and she is making me a sea salt bath.

the arrow is straight

been in the u.p. (the upper peninsula, as the locals call it) of michigan, pictured rocks national lakeshore. calcium and manganese sandstone and beaches like whoa. we were in minneapolis for the night and are now finding ourselves in a plywood motel 1/2 hr away from the badlands in S. Dakota.

we just got back from dinner and drinks at club 27, a contemporary establishment relative to the scale and development of this tiny town, where the owner and friend talked w. us- "these are hard times in this country". frustrated w. skewed wages of the economic make up, outsourcing, what it takes to make ends meet (owning a bar, 5,000 acres of land for farm and 260 cattle, and playing country music hard on the weekend, he barely makes it).

regardless of their political standing, they are advocates of farm and food education. one man, of his twelves kids, has taken four of his sons to the local slaughterhouse (they have another name for it, but i've already forgotten) just so they know. his earnest desire renewed my interest in involving myself for some greater good, a scope much larger and more significant than myself, concerning the most elemental resources we sustain on.

last thing i want right now is to remain as i am. so much to do.

the hamptons of the meridian

today tyler and i spent most of our day at Michigan State University in Okemos, MI. we made sara lunch, and she showed us how all of the medicine companies provide each social club with ice cream, pizza and/or soda. we went to their natural science museum and scheduled to participate in their "pathology rounds" at the diagnostic center for population and animal health.

what makes MSU a unique school to study veterinary medicine is their lab that attracts both ordinary and rare strange cases for pathologies. so say you just bought two steers, like this one farmer did in virginia a week ago, to bring back to his home in ohio. but on the road they die of what seems like sudden death. he instead drives the carcasses to MSU where they dissect and diagnosis- it turned out it was BVD (Bovine Virus Diarrhea) which includes anomalies like hemorrhages along the surface of muscles or organs. THAT IS WHAT WE SAW!!! open, dissected, red, smelly, raw blood flesh of animals- your favorite dog, to calf, to be steer to something else!! we saw a swollen cow leg, a liver w BVD showing strange plaque like growth, a tiger-striped colon of a steer, etc etc. it was soooooooo cool.

what a cool day we had wearing white coats everywhere. he looked more professional, and i looked like a kid playing dress up (it was so big). tyler sleeps on the couch now w a silk blanket.

we've been doing some research for our upper peninsula trip of michigan. we are stoked on the picture rocks national lakeshore- we can't wait to see miner's castle!! we met this old hippy of a guy named mike to give us the lowdown on the place- what to see, where to go- it's so sad we don't have more time.

made rice and beans for the road- time to catch the z's.

writing in morgantown, west virginia. already a lot of drug addicts and freaks. right there is a guy crouched over his laptop, face touching screen, growling!!!! it is a cemented city surrounded by hills and hills of trees. it's actually quite nice, although i'm almost positive there is little to do here.

yesterday we were in punxsutawney, pa where we were welcomed by the blueberry growing Lisak's. no better definition for good people. Will gave us a tour of the amish territory. they were incredibly suspicious, but all we wanted to buy was party mix (a cheesey snack big bag mix)!

rock climbing, swimming, pirating a suncruiser, great dinner w. amazing blueberry wine, and grilling out by the lake. i thought about how much matt gray would love to be there with us. when we left, everyone came outside to say goodbye (not even my family would do that) and they sent us away with a barrel of blueberries.

before that was a great weekend at cuttyhunk. rose's family is amazing (duh) and family friends of theirs (also really amazing). i was incredibly inspired by all the life partners while we stayed in a beautiful barn house by the harbor- so small an island, what isn't by sea? hannah and two merchant marines (tyler and sam- sam being the local) were significant figures of the trip. we went buggin (island slang for lobstering). tyler jumped off of the speeding boat we were on, and rose followed. we accompanied hannah and sam to sell oysters, clams, chowder (omg the best) and seafood dip from boat to boat on a boat. there are too many good memories to recap now it seems. we only got around in club cars- can you imagine?

to portland, maine

we listened to this song this weekend after bbqing and it felt like we all heard it for the first time- an amazing song.

i went to maine to visit emma. i intended to stay for two nights, but celebrated 3 or 4! her friends are amazing, and we ate amazing food (flank steak, herbed chicken, lobster, steak fries and homemade aoli, pie, ice cream and ice cream).

there's nothing like having friends to share your sadness with. i am so impressed w her life out there. it is a very sweet and salty place, a lot of smooth flavor.

i got the chance to visit camden maine. we went out for a hike, a swim, and blueberry picking. i met gideon's mom, mary, who is wonderful. their house is beautiful. so is their farm, and their young donkey, jonathan. gideon was there in the morning and he walked the farm w us and shared our toast.

i left my watch in portland so i went back to pick it up and have lunch with her friends, my new friends. i cannot believe i just met them, but i like them so much. the broomes are the sweetest things. they are the mix of maine, american, uk, and volvo love. we ate duckfat and romped the cemetery.

sophia martineck, so cool

little sleep last night- i talked to daniel and then sean about my coming home. they were so excited that they transfered equal excitement over to me, and so now i am looking forward more than i ever to coming home. i like how big l.a. is and i think i can really like it. i would like to do so many things.

sonya and i went on a walk yesterday (so nice, rain, cold weather) and we talked about how pivotal this last year was for us. what a big change, letting go of our self-importance. the concentration of intent and meaning has been diluted for the better (we are not less ambitious, we are more open).



...just had a great b-fast w ben and blue. that house gives me premium feelings.

if i am l.a. bound i want to:

duck hunt
eat well
set up studio

scanning negatives!!!!

and it feels great to finally see the accumulation of work. i'm not sure what excites me the most.

im in the middle of scanning photographs from north carolina which move from eric love's food collaged room, tribal rugs, and nude portraits of andrea. their house excited me so much.

i have also found that i took a lot of boring and meaningless pictures for the sake of taking pictures this summer. at the time i considered them exercises, but looking back i would rather rely on a more genuine interest.

sneak peak to come!

this is real!!!

went to n. mexico last week for a wedding. there was the ceremony, a brunch and pool party the day after- little domestic bunnies everywhere in the desert neighboring the sandia mountains (aka watermelon mountains, for the rhine of the mountain tops, and the sunset turning the sides pink) at the spa we were at. overall, an amazing wedding w too many good people- we all celebrated what it meant to be living a great love.

slept under an adobe hut at the coronado monument w emma young. such a good time w. emma. i slept in gold shoes. took pictures of the wedding and the turquoise accented highway system. we got friendship earrings and friendship wranglers.

noteworthy:
BURN MAGAZINE
marcey jacobson

what is real?

unbelievably irritable.

but consummating soon-to-be-requited friendship. and sister in nyc!!!! and meeting w/ photo staff of ny times.

new sites i like