my goal today is to stay up past 9 pm and wake up no earlier than 6 am. i thought i'd get over jeg lag quicker.

time in LA was intense. let's just say i'm thinking about post-december a lot and the variety and slew of responsibility that will be flooding into my lyfe then.

i feel guilty that i am losing focus on my mission in thailand as a result of it. other things on my mind include food. i think about food all the time actually and all the different things i want to try to cook. some of these things include:

conceptual pastries

fig and walnut rolada

vegan and gluten free dishes

meatballs

herbal ice tea experiments

ornate root vegetable stews

checking out loads and loads of cook books from the public library and cooking for my mom and i.

fried garlic and herb mixtures as salad toppings (currently frying lemon grass and garlic... as of recently, i eat about one garlic bulb a day)

ramp dishes!!! (ramps and potatoes, ramps in a seaweed salad, ramp rice omelette, ramp biscuits)

i really don't feel like my usual self lately. far from disenchanted, but really seeking SO much alone time. I would say 80% of my day is to myself. never bored, but pensive the entire time.

I just want to be understood

getting reading to get on an airplane tomorrow. such a simple preparation. everything is packed, nothing is overweight, and with plenty of room to spare. looking forward to a cooler climate! ready to wear sweaters and socks! low 60s might seem like nothing to people, but i will love it. it's 90+++ here. will be sweating in my sleep even with the aircon on tonight. funny thing my uncle said tonight:

"god, aren't you mighty lucky that you were born into a middle-class family if not only because you can sleep with some air conditioning?"

unrelated, but also amusing: my aunt is obsessed with kipling backpacks and totes and after introducing her to ebay she has officially given me the run down on what kind of backpack she is looking for if i ever come across it on ebay, you know, over the next year or two. her requirements (a good thing to know):

no drawstring opening

front pockets for change

navy blue, olive, or brown

NO red, orange, or turquoise

roughly 12"h x 10"w x 6"d

light weight

padded straps

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In terms of work, waiting for the article to get published, working on making a bunch of maps (not EZ), and potentially revisiting community's (!!!) to check for map accuracy and collect additional information on land use (!!!). there's a chance I can work on a larger, better funded case study post-current-contract that is gender-related, get some videography work on case studies and/or be a co-writer for a case study. not putting all of my eggs in one basket, but those would be amazing follow up jobs to this one. These are fun ideas to ponder about, even if they never materialize. makes me wonder if I should try going to school for anthropology. Good thing, I know what I really want.

Feel like I'm getting so much out of work lately. I wonder though, if they feel like they're getting good things from me? I hope so. the impact of strategic communication is difficult to monitor. But if I weren't writing about Thailand activities, who would be? I'm part of what makes the information available, and hopefully, it is also accessible. Is it weird that I go to bed wondering if people understand me and the language I use?

I have been so affected by How to Read a Book. I just want to be understood.