i made a statement last night that i hope to keep true in as many ways as possible, to experience as many masters as possible. what i mean is that it is amazing to be around people who are better than you, that is, people you can learn from.

z and i saw pharaoh sanders at grace cathedral last night. things i want to remember:

-how he sang into the bell of the saxophone
-how close he came to us
-his cute little white pharaoh style beard
-his frequent silent tappings on the saxophone, how loud it sounded for being so far away
-the security guard who let me save seats without tickets in the best seats of the house, choir distance away, directly behind the platform.

other things that i love that are grander than my existence: grace cathedral

"This stone stuff.
Doesn't it sculpt you as you sculpt it?
While you log and categorize
your skills and deficiencies,
the sad saga sags on,
the stories of other people,
the splendor of success.
It makes you stupid."

Jillian Brall

some things feel better in the early morning, and many things feel very good anyway: eating, writing, thinking.

i love early mornings that i can have to myself at home. it never happens that i can see the sun rising over our balcony. i have been really enjoying my well-rested, get-things-done, quality-people weekend. it feels like i have a life? even though i was just whining about being lonely. i'm not really, but i have days where no one is around when you want someone around because of my odd schedule.

inspiring things lately include:

-the introduction to the gift by lewis hyde (although am not thoroughly enjoying his cultural explanation of gifting)
-frank zappa animation "mr. b"
-farmer's market, homesteading
-serena mitnik-miller's studio, so amazing-it looks like life itself

i just remembered that he makes the best company

salmon salmon salmon salmon salmon salmon salmon salmon salmon salmon salmon salmon salmon salmon salmon salmon salmon salmon salmon salmon salmon salmon salmon salmon salmon salmon salmon salmon salmon salmon salmon salmon salmon salmon salmon salmon salmon salmon salmon salmon salmon salmon salmon salmon salmon salmon salmon salmon


+exposed many rolls of film these last two weeks

-loneliness from over exhausted autonomy/being too productive

+i eat very well at home

i dont feel as though there is anything big to say. i am in the midst of reading many things, and haven't really felt anything hit me yet.

best thing this week, letter from old friend emma. intimacy, sincerity, love in all her words. i miss closeness.

i'm going to buy a very big daruma doll. you fill one eye when you've made your wish, and then you fill in the other when the wish comes true.

i started writing descriptions of the people i've been meeting starting today. example:

April 1st.

Vernon - Gardener for the Golden Gate Park. Took 4 or 5 photos of him. Went to City College for a couple horticultural classes when he took janitorial job via welfare. I stopped to ask him about the fern trees, one being called alsophila and the dicksonia fern tree (the stouter tree). He also worked at a bakery.

i think it is a good exercise to help remember names of all the nice people i meet (it is so nice when someone remembers your name ). i think it will allow myself to think outside of what i want when i am having these conversations to help me really see people as physical forces.

i just biked the wiggle to golden gate and all the way through. i took a whole roll of pictures and now i'm back at home. i saw signs for the bike route to golden gate- next week's adventure?

tomorrow: watsonville, ca wildlife refuge adventure w old smart man from my plant classes.