who is there? my tribe

it's very cold here. family and friend gathering makes up for it. such strong ties to mama - private and intense. i think my brother has his own version. amazing how that happens. right now everyone's already gone- that was so fast.

to be done, in the warmest room of my house, my bedroom:

re-curate plants
study for exam
cv
internalize
horticulture courses?
california identity
listen to j. mitchell's blue

suddenly i want to know everything about her, anything mama has to say.

encouragement this morning on my visual development. it feels strange because i'm familiar with no feedback, no dialogue. in that way it's very sad. today feels pretty sad actually.

zen

when the student is ready, the teacher appears.

wouldn't it be nice

sickness reins

low key busy:
individual arts grant for artists seminar
cover letters
wisconsin southeast asian heritage language program
thai homework
thai forestry reading
san francisco galleries

drunk

we act in harmony with our conscience

yamamoto masao

a kind of amazing day on several levels:

- intense concentration/real hard reading (thai forestry: a critical history)
- a stronger organization of my itinerary/destination points/historical sites of political ecology
- photography resources/contacts in the sf area
- an amazing lecture by darcy padilla
- being vibrationally excited for how much there is to do!
- feeling the hard work
- inspiration all day

METAPOPULATION

lisa olstein, white spring

I am working on a specimen so pale it is like staring at snow from the bow of a ship in fog. I lose track of things -- articulation of wing, fineness of hair -- as if the moth itself disappears but remains as an emptiness before me. Or, from its bleakness, the subtlest distinctions suddenly increase: the slightest shade lighter in white begins to breathe with a starkness that's arresting, and the very idea of color terrifies. It has snowed and the evening is blue. The herders look like buoys, like waders the water has gotten too deep around. They'll have to swim in to shore. Their horses are patient. They love to be led from their stalls. They love to sharpen their teeth on the gate. They will stand, knees locked, for hours.

it's that time of yr - the first five questions

It is difficult to be happy unless one is good-looking, intelligent, rich, and creative.

Happiness is more a matter of my own attitude towards myself than the way other people feel about me.

People will probably think less of me if I make a mistake.

If I do not do well all the time, people will not respect me.

Taking even a small risk is foolish because the loss is likely to be a disaster.



Totally Agree Agree Very Much Agree Slightly Neutral Disagree Slightly Disagree Very Much Totally Disagree

colour space

a good day yesterday because it felt confident and self-initiating and i apprenticed under MASTER SAM and learned the holy ways of the canon IPF 8300 and canon IPF 9000! learned about perceptual and relative colourimetric. i love all the ideas around translations of colour space (from device to device), how they differ in effects from hue to tone, gamuts and capacity.

very anxious lately about the job that helps me get by, but i am honestly doing the best that i can do- so what more can i really do? it can't be for me if i get fired. i think i am still a good person, right? mp said, "do your best! no more, no less!"

my first grant application is almost done! i have decided that i am going to thailand either way.

thai classes are good. i am learning how to read and write. i also might adopt a language buddy to practice with.