This following program is dedicated to the city and people of
San Francisco, who may not know it but they are beautiful and so
is their city this is a very personal song, so if the viewer
cannot understand it particularly those of you who are European
residents save up all your bread and fly trans love airways to
San Francisco U.S.A., then maybe you'll understand the song, it
will be worth it, if not for the sake of this song but for the
sake of your own peace of mind.




i've just arrived to san francisco! i was in santa cruz just hours ago. sunny all day. sunny yesterday and sunny yesterday (they day after yesterday i mean). three days ago, rainy! i've been well taken care of and have played with horses and dogs and chickens and have been dining finely with the cohens. as i was leaving sonya gave me some of the best lemons i have ever had! meyer lemons- i think thats what they are called. ah, succulent!

i'm with my sister now, and her old apt is empty. so very good to see her. we were trying to look for something i had left behind, and we came across all these other things that are mine. i think a year ago i would have caused a ruckus but im sort of at an age where i'm willing to share my shoes with her now.

right now her roommate is getting ready go to a mos def event. she has a shiny blue gown on. something with a sexy wrap around the waist and shoes that EXACTLY match her dress and purse. i honestly did not know that something like this was possible. exact match? amazing!

south to the stomach

squished up holidays mean eating well: today was tamales day! the most delicious day of the year! i think we made about sixty tamales and 15 sopas. i ate five sopas and took 7 or something tamales home. i had 3 mexican taffe things, 5 gummies, and one mango lime shake that i spilled on the carpet also.

it's 8.30! i'm going to be late for my date with the book store! i've got research to do on where i'll take a train to in mid jan. i was almost sure i had my heart set on santa fe, nm but i'm having second thoughts now. the travel shelves will be of some help tonight!

i keep smiling because:
i love night hiking
xmas bbqs always go bad in the best way possible
i'm an auntie now!

e.e. cummings

so far as i am concerned, poetry & every other art was & is & forever will be strictly and distinctly a question of individuality... if poetry is your goal, you've got to forget all about punishments & all about rewards & all about self styled obligations & duties & responsibilities et cetera & infinitum & remember one thing only: that it's you- nobody else- who determine your destiny & decide your fate

the reach of poetry

this upcoming monday will mark two weeks of vacation! while i've picked up some of my school books, i haven't really done anything considerably academic. it is something worth acknowledging because i've always been afraid of following a career oriented path like my mother. fortunately, i love things like the cinema, drinking tea, and maundering (although that is part work also) and those things keep me steady. so far though, my vacation has consisted of practicing ukulele, swimming, night hiking and eating. it may not seem like it, but those things take boatloads of time.



as soon as the new year starts i'm back on (school) track. i bought 20 rolls of tri-x today and if everything goes accordingly i'll be in s.f. for new years, and santa cruz prior to that. new mexico sometime in mid january. and san diego and palm springs this week hopefully.

i've been watching these mid 60s bob dylan takes. they are filmed in black in white and they make me go crazy! the starkness of the black is so amazing and i feel very little need to work in color. it reminds me that my curiosity and turbulent love for the world is nourished by all of my maundering and recorded by black and white film.

Things that are going on!

i am home! strange and wonderful so far. right now i am at erin's house, and her and her friend are out for a smoke. we are going to see a movie tonight at the egyptian theatre. i think it's an old famous one called All About Eve.



i experienced the taste of burrata today! it's an amazing, uber fresh mozzarella cheese. it has a slushy consistency for cheese, in between sour cream and milk. it's just so delicious.

i have been thinking about my wonderful friends since i've been here. how brilliant they are. how lucky i am. how things are pretty good when i can step back a little.

i have been thinking about roger dangerfield also. i saw him at jack in the box once on lincoln blvd and he had ordered a lot of food. this was right before he passed away.


i also want to say that i love the internet. hm, time for a nap right now.

my mom always told me peaches were a symbol for long life

things that are missing that need to be replaced:

bananas
tangerines
yellow cherries
yellow raspberries
avocados
mangos
pink ladies
pears
white peaches
lychee
blueberries
coconuts

in light of many things, i have been given a really good opportunity to focus on myself. as a result, this week has yielded a much more collected estelle. i've got a really hearty to-do list that is being checked off everyday. and in general, i am feeling just so good about the work i am doing (my printing is getting better by the minute). i consider my last year to be a great gift of indulgence and experience- i am doing exactly what i love and i could not ask for anything more.

i bought my plane ticket home today and a shirt with tribal patterns. it reminded me of my mom, and then i became aware of how often and how large her collection of tribal pattern shirts is. i miss her and her batting eyelashes so so much. my mom does this funny thing of batting her eyelashes when she is puzzled/frustrated/or pissed off about something you did. and then she walks away or tries to finish what she was doing because she will really stop everything that she is doing to stand in front of you and bat her lashes away.

these are the only kinds of babies i like

i have not been abiding that sense of strangeness that has brought me to photography. by that i mean, i've spent a lot of time printing. i am really feeling like my abilities do not equate to the measure of beauty i encounter. i think i might be meeting some kind of a juncture.

the best thing about today was sitting in front of a heat lamp at the esselon cafe feeling like my skin was in california. it is new for me to get home sick this late into the year. other than the sun, the comfort of my california lifestyle depends on the following habitudes:

1. cheap avocados
2. burritos
3. thai food
4. reading in my garden
5. sea breezes
6. biking past traffic
7. shorts all the time

dad sent a loving gesture in the mail today. he gave me a check to buy a ticket home for thanksgiving. sweeter than coconut sugar.

today already feels gone. that means tomorrow i will have new opportunities to maunder. i love maundering. that is what makes me happiest sometimes.

today i have made two prints. i'm very proud of them. i worked really hard today to forget about the unfortunate events that have occurred this weekend. i'm the only person in the building right now, and that awareness of solitude also delights me.

the highlight of my day: walking and talking with my lovelies, n.m.h. and r.v.m.

i am thinking about wearing my gold teeth tonight!

not day one yet

None of these templates seem that appropriate for my taste, but this one will do. I leave tomorrow in the morning for my long awaited farming/camping trip across the states. I'm trying find people to chip in for gas on the way the S.F., and then later to Portland. I've never done this before but it can't be that bad unless it is.

I talked to Ashley last night about St. Louis. Her mom is going to take me in as her temporary daughter for a day or two and show me around the Park, the Loop and the Central West End. Hmm, that makes me so excited. It's also not that far from Chicago, so I'll try to head up North and visit Morgan. I want to city that she loves so much. I have a feeling I would love it too.

It's so strange how much there is to see, and how I haven't seen it yet, or how a lot of people haven't seen it yet. I remember being so envious of Jeremy when he would go on tour. It sounded like the best thing ever. I remember when we first met he told me I could go on tour for anything. I think that was the most positive thing he's ever said to me. I guess I'm creating that same kind of purpose now.

I can't stop thinking about how people change. I'm probably the same. It's just so peculiar.