thanksgiving meant holiday with the camacho's this year. meeting family is weird/amazing. we (kate and i) understand china at another level now. i walked her dog bubba w. her dad. we walked about 90 ft, and talked about the wall he has been working on for 20 yrs. it is a real wall... made of grannite and limestone from old churches and buildings. he says that people think it's so hard to build a wall, but isn't it hard to wake up in the morning sometimes? her dad is so cool.

so we met the family, got swallowed up in their history, and i missed my own family. we also went on grocery errands, and i did so much sleeping as a rock.








and before that, alex and max came and stayed with us. i like to think of that neil young song off of silver and gold called "good to see you". we listened to dance hall as alex likes to call it, ate hoagies and cannolis. it is a really nice feeling to sit around w. someone and have it be so easy. that's the measure i have for people i like.








this year, i am most thankful for my mother, my family, and my friends. all unparalleled individuals in my support network.

general desires

america is a nation of whiners

my last word though, i can't stand archetypes

me at the beach!


we made respectful burgers tonight. and then we all sat on the couch crafting.

i did a bit of planning. am starting to realize that im actually compiling a new body of work quite slowly. im excited to see what territory it ventures in. i think the photographs i have been making are thank you photographs. i think how do i pronounce security, loyalty and gratefulness? i've been making still lives around the house mostly. i think about my light houses.

light house as in who is your light, who leads your way when you are lost- things of security, things of comfort.

"i get these really intense longings. they're longings about different things. it happened to me today for about 3 hours where i just missed and missed and missed. i just sit there and think about all the things and people i miss, and it hurts. it pains me the way someone would sit on your chest, slowly and intermittently harder."
-estelle 11/17/07

ah, the year is cyclical. perpetual appreciation is the positive thing to call it.

i think about kissing the facial surfaces of all kinds of friends with tender four-cornered lips, to gently layer their skin w my saliva. gnaw gnaw gnaw gnaw them with my wide cheeks and hug hug hug hug hug. and i want to suspend them so wonderfully over me. you lose the things you don't hold on to.


voicemails:
1. annie "it's going to take longer than i thought..."
2. annie "...i hear you might be asleep?"
3. dad "[in a hearty, healthy voice] i miss you! ... i am thinking of your Right now!"
4. american red cross "please donate at the hampshire mall today"
5. anonymous "[background sound]
6. josh "... phone tag... this weekend?..."

WHAT!!!! THIS IS THE BEST WEBSITE EVERRRR!!!!





I DREAM OF THIS STUFF ALLLLL THE TIME

WHATTT!!!!

fucking timeless

who

we
are

ANIMALS


Have you forgotten what we were like then
when we were still first rate
and the day came fat with an apple in its mouth

it's no use worrying about Time
but we did have a few tricks up our sleeves
and turned some sharp corners

the whole pasture looked like our meal
we didn't need speedometers
we could manage cocktails out of ice and water

I wouldn't want to be faster
or greener than now if you were with me O you
were the best of all my days

i look really tan compared to my computer. accomplishments this week:

-finishing a hooded scarf, est. 2006
-disorienting two mice
-biking to and fro old kensington
-experiencing a day off
-making an excellent lentil soup
-finding the beauty in belmont
-killing a squirrel by (bike) accident
-sending myself home for the winter holidays (SF! SC! LA!)



r.i.p. brain

notes to self at work



mocp.org
yes, review next month

photographers
colin blakely "the seeming impenetrability of the space between"
colleen plumb
peter coffin

from my window anrdre kertesz

gregory krum
body of work too romantic, even to the point of embarrassment
but kind of into it?

milk glass photographs
milk glass collection - so beautiful -> light blue and ochre would be amazing!

i agree:
at best exhibitions are visual arguments



starting to look like everyone photographs the same. but also, i've been just looking at one blog, and she has a particular style about blogging/selecting photographers (i do too). some of them seem too contemporary/borderline meaningless for my taste.

i am thinking that the edge of the knife would be so cool. should/will wreck/experiment.

H: do you work at a nail salon?
E: no- do i look like it?
H: yes, but i don't know why
E: hm, well i sell bread to people and i help a man make money for his art program. i just moved here.
H: really, where are you from?
E: los angeles, i'm here bc it's too expensive to be there unless i live with my mom
H: you live w/ your mom?
E: no my mom is in l.a.
H: i bet you have a nice house, don't you?
E: no it's not that nice. i would say lower to middle class. but the neighborhood is nice. it's by the beach
H: oh, that sounds nice.

H: so you live by yourself?
E: no i have a roommate
H: who is your roommate? is it your older sister?
E: no it's one of my friends from los angeles
H: you have a nice house here?
E: we have a pretty good apt.
H: i bet it's nice a apt.

H: are you buddha?
E: no i'm not buddhist but my dad is and my mom believes in business
H: oh you aren't religious?
E: no, but i think i'm an okay person anyway
H: hm, yeah you are nice. i like your scarf
E: oh, it's a hooded scarf. i've been working on it for two years- can you believe it i'm almost done. feel it, it's soft.

H was a 15 yr old black girl, sandwiching me w/ her family at the trolley bench. i showed her and her sisters how to knit while we waited, and told them about alpacas (my yarn is baby alpaca) and how you can find these hairy camels in the mountains of south america.

taximan took me home for five bucks when i got stranded yesterday and commented on west philadelphia

TAXIMAN "sister, you live where?"
ME "50th baltimore"
TAXIMAN "girlfriend how do you live here? everyone's a squirrel"
ME "what do you mean?"
TAXIMAN "they're all nutty"



it was nice and warm today but i really wanted to be by the ocean. i wanted a salty breeze and a burrito.

i made my mum a package today. she mentioned how she had a hard time finding sage at the market, and how we should go to the mountains together to pick a bunch to sell at her store. so i walked down the street and cut up a bunch of sage to put in a box, and an i love you note in thai. lately i have been cheating because online you can find all horrible pre-written love letters for american or brit men who pursue thai women knowing very little english. so sometimes i use that to write to my mom.

im on the phone with zach right now, and he is in olympia attending this film festival where they are paying for his Bed and breakfast and taximan. i'm so jealous, also he just told me about his new chickens and how he will be starting this chicken blog. i've made an executive decision to be a part of that, and so i must find myself in northampton really really really soon. so excited! chickens! zach and fishing!

thats a clog, not a kitten!


just got back from kitten hunting. one fell out of the bag, and we had to retrace. she meowed loud and high, half way in the street, half way in the leaves. it was dark and raining so we never thought we'd get her back- but we did!

secret II my heart

i. more like my heart than my eyes
ii. making work, dreaming on
iii. miss sister, miss brother, miss mom and pop
iv. wiiiild rice
vi. desert in the dessert

was doing research for an interview and
i like him

also, lets touch on the uses and abuses of criticisms

WINDY CITY LIKE THIS


WAS LOST BUT FOUND LIKE THIS

halloween: C+
-------------------------

so tired right now all i can think about right now is where are all the windy cities?, repotting plants, and spending more time in the darkroom. i made black and white contact sheets and color contact sheets just an hour or so ago! i have been waiting all summer to see it on analogue paper. i'm feeling good about it, and i can't wait to see 7 more rolls of color film and what happened there. it is zen for me to be in a darkroom. but the effort these days is a lot like trying to run a couple of miles. hard to get started, but once going pretty fucking good. srsly, so zen.

this week has been awkward, nice, comforting, sleepy, surprising, hyper-sexualized and plant-oriented: