the packing begins. boxes of books and records first because those have been the least touched this year. what's next? everything else is hard because i am basically wanting my new life to start before i miss the old one, which will happen, through all of my anxiety and sadness, and then again, deep sadness. i think the scanning stops tomorrow, and then i put that in a box too. that means my photography updating is officially at a halt until my return from the east coast.

i should get rid of more clothes, but i feel indifferent about what i have, as in i don't hate anything. i wish this move was happening sooner.

as i sat on the couch thinking about all the things that belong to me, i realized i will leave a pretty spare apartment behind. strange, all the things we have in a house. what if you laid it all out on a picnic blanket? what if you were like that guy who only owned one hundred things? my brother wants to be that guy. half of the time i want to be that guy, but i'm definitely not that guy. too many plants to be that guy. too many pairs of jeans to be that guy.

i have spent a lot of time with my family in the last month. it's a kind of fulfillment that is different because you know you'll always know them, and you know they won't be that far, and because they'll certainly love you the whole day through. right now, i feel like there are a lot of extra people in the world, well in my world, and i am liking it small and kind and loving and real, because those people will tell you how it is better than anyone else.