1. what i know of myself/what i believe in
2. what i am coming to understand of other people and other cultures/how that understanding influences my own beliefs (i say i understand because i feel empathetic towards the ideals that have been expressed to me, but in someways i might not understand if number one feels more reinforced.)
see, i believe that having faith in uncertainty and mystery contributes to honoring the world. if you've learned to be an observer of the world, and if it's mystery that guides you, you learn about patience and there is a great reward from that- sometimes but not all the time, but the idea is that something wonderful can come from your observations. at the center of my beliefs is this practice -being guided to wonder by mystery- which is what i am absolutely dedicated to. something else i believe is that we have no practical interest in even the soundest means to reach ends we do not care about.
with that being said, having more of number two in my life really tests things that fall under number one. with the abundance of number two, some people really try to blow your confidence about number one via age/experience (these can actually be valid points, but there are plenty of factors that make those elements invalid, such as this isn't 1977 and i'm of a different, more privileged (but equally grateful) generation). mostly, what i don't accept about number two is a negative attitude about life and about being able to do the things you care about. i don't accept this, nor will i, because i'd find my mind and body suffering like the people who do except this as a life-result. yes, there are times when you won't have the choices or opportunities you want in your life, but then what are you doing to make those choices happen, or to enable better opportunities?
and what about happiness? can we afford to lose that opportunity, even if it is a risk? what kind of life would you have if you never found out? how can you be here, on this planet, and not be in the world? i don't mean traveling, but i mean being involved, and caring about something other than yourself and your bank account. yes, my life is the complete opposite as yours (she studied something she disliked, she worked for 30 years at a job she disliked). i went to a school where i had the opportunity to study something i deeply loved, and my life thereafter has been dedicated to staying involved and studying these things i love and trying to make them applicable to a functioning life. i can't afford to think it's an impossible goal because i can't afford to be unhappy, ungrateful, or unmindful about the decisions i am making in my life. for that reason, following what i love also doesn't make me an inactive or stand-still person. it means i'm trying to figure it out until i get a golden triangle. i'm trying to make it work and it's definitely a learning process. so what if it involves work? i can't imagine anything better than feeling a great happy calm.
*in re-reading this, two weeks later, i think i sound like an asshole because 1. it doesn't sound like i acknowledge the privilege i've had to afford to think this way and because of 2. my inconsideration for her life experiences and her attempt to share them with me. given the opportunities i've had and the way it has shaped my life/thinking, should my outlook change? i'm looking for a reason to not search for the happiness i have defined (for the time being) for myself, but i can't seem to find one.
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