csa in mae tha, chiang mai! (not my photograph)

life is looking up. it's like this when i know i am about to travel. haven't gone to any field visits since late january. since then my camera has been stuck at the 16th marker and those 16 photographs remain a mystery unless i can add 8 more. despite the lottery of having a hidden gem written on film and as long as it remains undeveloped (black, dark), it leaves one feeling very unproductive (and sad).

traveling is more than seeing. a lot of reading (in thai), trying to learn about the history of the places i am going to. went to auntie's this weekend and she helped me get through my material quicker by reading it out loud and going through unfamiliar vocabulary with me. it's the first time she has really seen the work i've been doing. she thinks the vocabulary is bullshit and i love that she feels this way. it's good to know how the academics articulate these ideas, stories, histories, hopes, but it's equally as important to explain it in a way where anyone can take the true meaning home. great ideas have never relied on technical or difficult words. (i feel resistant to using big thai words, definitely not resistant to learning them, but i'd rather not create a habit of relying on this diction. it creates an unnecessary distance between you and people)

simplicity has been my mantra for the last few weeks. strategy is another word i am coming to love. i have a better sense for what it means and i am also not afraid of making plans while acknowledging risks. by that i mean i kind of enjoy planning for risks and i'm trying to use this tactic to be more prepared.

lately, always feeling like that there is a great deal to learn. taxing and sometimes stressful because at times it seems like my aim is to collect a lot, but we all know that it's not about the destination. it's about being docile to learning, docile to being taught and to understanding.