"i get these really intense longings. they're longings about different things. it happened to me today for about 3 hours where i just missed and missed and missed. i just sit there and think about all the things and people i miss, and it hurts. it pains me the way someone would sit on your chest, slowly and intermittently harder."
-estelle 11/17/07

ah, the year is cyclical. perpetual appreciation is the positive thing to call it.

i think about kissing the facial surfaces of all kinds of friends with tender four-cornered lips, to gently layer their skin w my saliva. gnaw gnaw gnaw gnaw them with my wide cheeks and hug hug hug hug hug. and i want to suspend them so wonderfully over me. you lose the things you don't hold on to.


voicemails:
1. annie "it's going to take longer than i thought..."
2. annie "...i hear you might be asleep?"
3. dad "[in a hearty, healthy voice] i miss you! ... i am thinking of your Right now!"
4. american red cross "please donate at the hampshire mall today"
5. anonymous "[background sound]
6. josh "... phone tag... this weekend?..."