david lynch's catching the big fish, the audio book!

soil!

repotting soil and pilates!

a warm day, on which i woke up late (6 am instead of 3 am) and got out of work also late. i was living my life along other humans for once and not rushing through the mid night to make bread and sweets happen.

all together, my arm smells like raw egg, butter and sugar and a layer of manure after carrying a bag of cactus soil mix.

what is better?
to be honest about where you are? or confident about what you can do? it's so much of the same thing! but there is a split in how you present yourself. today i preferred the former- to keep calm and carry on.

he is the boss

her looking is good

i love this essay written by sally mann on her new body of work. my sister photographer speaks about love and the body growing old. although the material is idiosyncratically processed, her seeing feels quite real, or actually quite accurate to all the ways she has expressed love to unfold in her relationship with her partner. it is seen in his bodily form and it's grotesque and strange- her method of being real is open and i am amazed by what the sitter shares.

i love her devotion to her practice and her faith to the things that are important to her. yes, it brings me down from my head to meet my heart. i am always asking myself these days how do i continue to do what i love?

i'd love to say something like this to my co-worker emiliano, but my spanish is real bad. we go back and forth all day saying "que pasa loca?" or "que pasa loco?" "nada, mucho trebajo!" or i tell him he is a pregnant with an empanada.

estoy emparazada sounds like estoy empanada- get it stuffed belly? but with child?

this blog is meant to collect inspiring things. not many "new" inspirations to update with. i still look at things like bharatnatyam you tube videos and think about meadows and secret projects i don't like to talk about until i actually make something happen- you've got to walk the talk, you know?

i've been really inspired by my neighborly relationships. i am always in awe of what nice people they are, and it just makes me want to be nicer to them. so i stop by say hi, give them coffee, talk to the kids, or walk their dog. it makes me love my house more. they invited us (zach and i) to dinner. a simple but grand gesture some how. why is that? they are real adults and are pretty busy, but they want to feed us and take care of us for one night. it's very nice.

you bet secret projects are on the works!

i'm glad to be going to bed early tonight.

personal meditations in older photographs

what one may find for comparison between work now (san francisco era) vs. last year (western massachusetts era) is a different kind of concentration. there is a quality of light that i was able to achieve that i have not found in recent photographs. then again, a lot of my attention has been dragged away by day-to-day living. if i recall life before now, it felt like i was living in bursts and i think that was illustrative in my work.

on the contact sheets, in between the images that i felt were significant at the time, i have sweet fillers/sweet memories. i've put them away all on external hard drive. but together, i think they compose a sense of personal meditation. yes, it is personal and for that very reason it is a different kind of speaking that is unfamiliar and uncomfortable to share.

Why did you make me human?

I slept 16 hours last night. I spent earlier that day losing a good chunk of thumb via microplaning cheese and then I said fuck this and fuck this pasta, cleaned up the wound and cheese and walked a couple of blocks to look at artists books. After, I thought it would be really nice to go to a bar near my house to have a beer and read my Richard Brautigan. I did that, but I unexpectedly got drunk from the 1/2 pint glass. I walked home and slept for so so so long. Sleep debt is what they call it when you build up your missing hours of sleep. So many bodily affects yesterday.

TODAY TODAY TODAY! Oh even though I have to things I don't want to do today, I am so glad it is today. I am so glad to make oven roasted eggplant and eat fresh fresh cheese. My thumb hurts badly, but I will still take a shower as if nothing happened. I will not run my fingers through my hair. My hairs with get caught in between the sliced flesh of my thumb. So unpleasant. It's gloomy, I love that.

I want a sweater like the one this girl wears in the middle: