flooding

2011
1942
so bangkok is on its way to being more flooded. no one trusts what the prime minister has to say on the issue because she's been mostly concerned with saving face while in burberry boots. you have people who are severely affected and those who are not. most people who could leave the city did, but there are some who just couldn't leave their homes, and so there they are on the second floor living off of the water and dry food they bought two weeks ago. some say that the govt' gave residents of BKK the long stick and the rural provinces the short stick (to prevent flooding in BKK, the gov't barricaded BKK from the floods but in consequence exacerbated the flooding else where since the water levels could not be relieved), but it seems as though, through all the panic, concern, and loss of faith, everyone has gotten the short stick.

some friends of mine fled to tokyo for the week and i was going to do the same until i reconsidered. it would be better to stay in the country to hear all of this information more or less first hand, and stay in touch with family and family friends near by so! i am in pattaya, a beach city two hours from BKK. quite the tinsel town: many phalang kee nok (bird shit tourists) with thai girls along their side. actually hundreds of them out on the street, two girls for every meter you walk, on the look out for some european, anglo saxon, chinese, japanese, indian, and so many others that come here for the sex tourism. it's quite despicable and as a result i wear jeans at the beach to make sure no one is confused about whether or not i am a call girl.

the traffic isn't usually as bad as this, but there are so many people who have come to pattaya because of the floods. i actually haven't seen that much flooding with my own eyes, only water levels up to 30 cm, but the footage on tv, which is always a little behind on what's really happening, is crazy. such fast flash floods, people living on their roofs, pets floating in buckets, and so many people getting sick, that's the worse part. it makes me wish i could actually do something. it's the first time i've had the thought "maybe i should have been a doctor." and if it's bad now, think about what these people will have when the all the water is gone? so little money, possibly no work, and food will be terribly expensive (so many food crops are ruined this year) following this aftermath. despite how tired my ears are (it's talked about every day at every hour) i can't turn my ears off to all that is going on.

The Most Amazing Kids Ever

This week began with food poisoning! Threw up all night, didn't sleep, forgot to pack my toothbrush, and went to work with messy hair and sunglasses. That morning, I really didn't think that leaving for Petchaburi for the Young Seedlings Network camp, a 5 day event bringing in young adults from over 20 different community forests, would be the most fun I've ever had, with the most amazing and brilliant kids I have ever met. I mean I don't think you could have called me human that day, but when I got most of my senses back I realized that this could easily be my favorite week out of the year.

To meet so many open hearted souls that are so acutely aware about their community, their lives, the kind of impact they have as individuals and as a community, it's just unbelievably inspiring. As Nueng, a new friend of mine, said to everyone there, "I've always thought there to be two kinds of people in the world- the first are just living on the planet, and the second kind are people who make the world turn. I always thought that as a writer I made the world spin, but after this week i couldn't be more wrong and jealous of all of you. you actually make the world spin. you actually make a difference." I'll never do justice in expressing the kind of community I was surrounded by. Despite the different situations or places these kids come from, you feel the intentions of all 40 people in the room because everyone cares so much about all of this and they share the same goal of learning from each other and learning about each other. They all want better lives for the people around them. Yes, it's a selflessness that is so rarely encountered in every day life.

If I left for America tomorrow, I would be happy. I feel like I've seen and have learned so much from the people here already and from the community forests. I have so much gratitude for my life right now that I just don't see anything changing that after this experience. Is it strange that I feel so grateful? I just feel like everything is different now. I was happy before I came here, but now I'm a different kind of happy. I'm a truer shade of blue than I was before.

if my internet was decent, I would find this photographer that I have once posted about. An image of a rain coated man in the northwest forest. a logging series, if i can remember correctly. it's in color, but after seeing this picture, I notice a nostalgia i have for black and white. i will be able to do it again, and i'll do it well, and share the most beautiful prints with you. my house will be covered in them and i will give them away as gifts. one to you and one to you. i will have a darkroom someday. i will, i will, i will.

days don't have that lonely gap anymore. i have friends. i have so many neighbors that i like. i can call them up and see what they're doing. none of them speak thai, but that's okay. the ones that i know are really great. i was so scared to look and seem american, but i am, i am thai-american. i realized that i won't get kidnapped or raped, as my mother and father had previously warned, as long as i am respectful and nice. and i can smile and just settle into myself again and not worry too much about subconsciously seducing someone to kidnap me for a million dollar ransom.

finally figured out my agenda for the next week. going to Petburi! then i'll have two days to myself. go out and shoot and visit one of my aunts, get my film developed. still need to buy a scanner.

Today I have to share something I saw in a film. A few scenes that completely moved me. It made my heart turn inside out, an amazing feeling that I feel so infrequently these days. That is my fault as I don't really take the time to indulge in such emotionally striking visual pleasures like I use to. OK:

1. An orangoutang looking so sad, near death, picked up by some local men in a recently cleared forest. It seems like maybe the orangoutang encountered some kind of an event that led to his current bad state. It is unclear if they are sympathetic, but two men shove the orang. into a duffle bag- he fits! I can't believe it. He looks smaller in the bag than when his arms and legs were loosey goosey all over. The next cut is to a scene where you recognize that you're seeing the inside of a dump truck, and they're driving on some terrible country road because the camera is real shakey. And then you notice the orang. in the duffle bag with just his head out, and he's barely conscious, eyes half closed, body limp and shaking with the terrible movement of the truck. His body is over rubble that was left in the back of the dump truck and it's just this for 3 minutes. You wonder if that's the last three minutes of his life.

2. A beautifully lit forest area. Ancient trees surrounding a man standing with a chain saw with what looks like snow, but isn't because there is nothing else that describes the tremendous beauty of gravity sometimes. what's falling in this entire scene is a million leaves, and each one flutters like eyelashes!

I had to do some research for a film festival we're having. Forest films to be exact. I look forward to about 3 of them, the rest are mind-numbing narration, or over zealous shots of nature in action. Sometimes what they capture is amazing, but a montage of dramatic events is just too much, and narration makes me feel like they think I'm stupid- they spell everything out. The films I'm most looking forward to are Green, Conflict Tiger, and Man of the Soil, but this all won't happen until Dec.

It's the weekend! I have a lot of things I'd like to work on, but I'll also need to be getting for my next trip for work. Not a community forestry (CF) this time, but an event with 40 kids who will be writing and talking about nature. It's basically like nature camp but for young adults. I'm really looking forward to it because I'll get a sense of what the take is on CF from a much younger demographic.

I am back from my first community forestry trip! We went to Pred Nai in Trat, the most Eastern province of Thailand. It's a well-known community forest, one that I've read about too many times, so it was absolutely amazing to see it in person and meet the community in a personal context. I'm hoping to do several more trips there to write about a "story of change" for work. I met great folks who work as participatory researchers there, and they have been such a great resource in learning about the current stage of mangrove management and the challenges these communities face. Yes, I couldn't be more rejuvenated from the trip! More proof that this is what I must be doing.

Oh a sickening experience though: I had to take some pictures with a digital SLR. I actually thought it was something I could get use to, but then there were a few other people who took along their SLRS. While it's totally cool that other people love photography, I witnessed a method of taking photographs I could never partake in- one that was without consciousness. I couldn't bare it! Too much flash! Too much continuous shooting! And at times it really stood in the way of having a personal experience of a place and other people. That's when I don't agree with it at all. That's not my practice.

I saw some amazing photographs at work today (yes, day one at dream internship)... they were of the most amazing places with the most fascinating things that I too would like to document. I feel so so lucky that my most recent thought out dream is coming true. Regardless if I'm granted a Fulbright, it was an unbelievably empowering process, which led me to this opportunity. You're really put under the pressure to think about what you want for yourself and to put those concepts into words that you believe in. If you can see that far, you learn how to make it happen. It's just so crazy sometimes that you can get exactly what you want. For the next year, I get to do exactly what my heart and mind desires. I'll be diving into community identity through the meaningful responsibility found in the practice of community forestry. Photographing and traveling- learning, learning, and learning.

Fulbright is due in exactly two weeks! I have a lot to shape up in that time. Studying Thai as well. I found a lovely, lovely, lovely language partner. Everyone at work converses in English, which is kind of a down side for my Thai, but maybe I can listen to the Thai radio as I work. My family is really happy for me and they agree that everything is looking up. I'm getting use to how long it takes to get everywhere and I'm understanding why people don't pass time with reading on buses. I would like to try, but it's not worth missing your bus stop and having to walk in the dirty, diesel heat. So to sum up my lyfe:

ROSE
dream internship
good fulbright interview (i think)
getting fat on good food (approx 2 kg!)

BUD
a year's swimming pass for 7 dollars!
traveling for work
traveling for fun
having frrrriends! (i think this can actually happen)
getting film developed

THORN
mosquito bites

I feel like this is the life I know: excited about everything that is coming forth. This familiar feeling is my home.